The Bible is a volume containing 66 books with widely varied content. Some parts require diligent study such as symbolic prophecy, but other parts are very simple. The wisdom of God and the wisdom of man do not interface (Rom 8, 1Cor 1-2, Jam 3:13-18). Often, God reveals truth in simple terms, and man tries to assert his own alleged wisdom and make things much more complicated than they really are. One such area is family relationships.
To examine what the Bible says about marriage and the family, we should start at the very beginning. Genesis 1 is an account of the creation. Genesis 2 continues this account but focuses on man. It states that God saw that it was not good for the man Adam to be alone, and there was no help meet for him. In the original Hebrew, the phrase help meet is one word - ezer. It means suitable (meet) helper. So, God made woman out of one of Adam’s ribs to be his suitable helper. This was God’s original plan for man – a marriage between one man and one woman. All other arrangements are a deviation from what God originally intended. God did not ordain multiple spouses or sex outside of marriage between one man and one woman. The Bible does describe these things happening, but nowhere did God command these things.
Some of the commandments in the law of Moses were to restrict behavior outside of these parameters, not to endorse it. When being questioned about divorce, the Lord Jesus stated, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so (Mt 19:4-8).” From this we learn that God does not desire divorce or anything called marriage that is not based on the order He established at the beginning, which is one man and one woman.
Also notice that in Genesis 5:2 it says, “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.” Later, Adam named her Eve (Gen 3:20), but God called both of them Adam. This is why women change their last name to their husband’s when they marry. It shows that she is taking her proper place in the marriage.
In Genesis 3, we read the account of Adam and Eve sinning and the resultant change in circumstances. Eve was deceived by the serpent and took the forbidden fruit and also gave it to her husband and he ate it too. The order of the decree from God was to the serpent first, then to Eve, and then to Adam. What God said to Eve was, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee (Gen 3:16).” Sorrow here means “pain, hurt, toil, sorrow, labour, hardship”. The word translated desire only appears three times - here, Genesis 4:7, and Song of Solomon 7:10. This word rule appears as rule 38 times, ruler 19 times, reign 8 times, dominion 7 times, governor 4 times, ruled over 2 times, power 2 times, and indeed 1 time. Strong’s Concordance says this word means “to rule:—(have, make to have) dominion, governor, × indeed, reign, (bear, cause to, have) rule(-ing, -r), have power.” The Brown Driver Briggs Lexicon says it means “rule, have dominion, reign”. Gesenius’ Hebrew Lexicon says it means “to rule, have dominion”. Thus, attempts to ignore or twist what God clearly said here are to no avail. Notice that the only two things God cursed in Genesis 3 were the serpent and the ground. He did not curse Adam or Eve. Adam was supposed to take care of the garden before he sinned (Gen 2:15). The curse was not that Adam had to work, it was that his work would be difficult and fruitless. It was not a curse for Eve to be under the headship of Adam. She was supposed to be his helper already.
One of the first married couples we get a look at after this was Abraham and Sarah (Gen 12-25). 1Peter 3:6 says that “Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord”. We also are given accounts of Isaac and Rebekah and then Jacob and his two wives Leah and Rachel as well as their children who became the patriarchs of the 12 tribes of Israel.
Then comes Moses the lawgiver. There has been much misrepresentation of what the law says about marriage and the family. Women are honored in the law. Men and women are given different roles, but equal value to God. Jacob had two wives and preferred one over the other. This is forbidden in the law (Deut 21:15-17). There were many provisions in the law upholding the honor of women regarding marriage and divorce. Marriage is the first human relationship and institution by God (Gen 2:20-25). If a man falsely accused his new wife of not being a virgin, he had to pay her father 100 shekels of silver and could never divorce her (Deut 22:13-19). If a man lie with a virgin consensually, he had to pay her father 50 shekels of silver, and could never divorce her (Deut 22:28-29). If a man divorced a woman, she was free (Deut 24:1-2). Newlyweds were off for one year, and the husband could not be sent to war for that time (Deut 24:5). God expects forgiveness and reconciliation (Hos 1-3). God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). The New Testament also affirms the value of marriage. There should not be divorce except for adultery (Mt 5:31-32). The law of Moses allowed for divorce, not because God wanted it, but because of the hardness of their hearts; but from the beginning it was not so (Mt 19:3-9). Spouses should render due benevolence, and not depart (1Cor 7:1-16). Marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church (Eph 5:22-33). It is honorable in all (Heb 13:4). Men are to give honor to their wives (1Pet 3:7).
Mothers are also to be honored (Ex 20:12, Mt 15:4-6, Mt 19:19, Eph 6:2). He that hit his mother was to be put to death (Ex 21:15). He that cursed his mother was to be put to death (Ex 21:17, Lev 20:9, Deut 27:16, Prov 20:20, Prov 30:11). A stubborn son was to be put to death (Deut 21:18-20, Prov 30:17). Children are not to despise their mother (Prov 23:22, Eze 22:7, Mic 7:6). Children should not rob their mother (Prov 28:24). There are other provisions for the honor of women. Rape is forbidden (Deut 22:13-29). Incest is forbidden (Lev 20). There is neither male nor female in Christ (Gal 3:28). There were many women of honor in the Bible: Eve (Gen 2:20-25), Rahab (Josh 2, Josh 6:25, Mt 1:5, Heb 11:31, Jam 2:25), Deborah (Jud 4), Ruth (Ruth 1-4), a widow woman (1Ki 17:9-25, Lk 4:26), Elisha’s friend (2Ki 4:1-37), Esther (Esther 1-10), Mary (Mt 1, Lk 2-3, Acts 1:14), Mary Magdelene (Mk 16:9), and others. God created women (Gen 2:18-24), He comforts as a mother (Is 66:13), and broods as a hen (Mt 23:37). Industrious wives and mothers are to be honored (Prov 31). In nations where Christianity and the Bible prosper, so does the honor of women. In nations where other beliefs dominate, the honor of women suffers. In some cases it suffers extremely. Women’s rights groups should be directing their attention to those cultures, not against Bible believers.
The Bible speaks of a groom paying a dowry to the father of the bride (Gen 30:20, Gen 34:12, Ex 22:16-17, 1Sam 18:25). The only place where God said anything directly about a dowry is Exodus 22:16-17. The circumstances described here are when a man had sex with an unmarried woman, he was to give her father a dowry and marry her with his permission. According to Matthew Henry, the meaning of this verse is: “A law that he who debauched a young woman should be obliged to marry her, v. 16, 17. If she was betrothed to another, it was death to debauch her (Deut 22:23, 24); but the law here mentioned respects her as single. But, if the father refused her to him, he was to give satisfaction in money for the injury and disgrace he had done her. This law puts an honor upon marriage and shows likewise how improper a thing it is that children should marry without their parents' consent: even here, where the divine law appointed the marriage, both as a punishment to him that had done wrong and a recompence to her that had suffered wrong, yet there was an express reservation for the father's power; if he denied his consent, it must be no marriage.” A dowry did not make the bride the slave or property of the groom as in chattel slavery. It did not dishonor the woman. It showed that the groom considered his bride to be valuable. It showed the father of the bride that the groom saw his daughter as valuable, and that the groom understood that the father was suffering loss by seeing his daughter move out and become a wife. Her help and labor would no longer be available to her family. God had freed the Israelites from slavery in Egypt through many great signs and wonders, including the women. There was hired servanthood in the law of Moses, but this was restricted, especially for Israelites. Dowry can also have the opposite meaning. It can mean the wealth or property that transfers to the groom from the family of the bride to help with the expenses of setting up a new household. The practice of dowry probably predates the Bible and was done in ancient Babylon and Asia and is still practiced in many places.
Femininity is of great value to God (1Pet 3:4), but there is a big difference between femininity and feminism. In fact, they have become opposites. The original positions of the feminist movement have long gone by the wayside. One of the original planks of the feminist movement was the right to vote. Many women did not want the right to vote because back then it was tied to military service. Most women understood the importance of their place in their marriage and home as a mother.
There are many examples of both virtuous and evil women in the Bible, and sometimes they are contrasted side by side. David’s first wife was named Michal (1Sam 18-19, 1Sam 25:24, 2Sam 3 & 6). She was the daughter of king Saul. When David brought the ark of the covenant to Jerusalem, he danced before the Lord (2Sam 6). Michal insulted him in front of everyone there, and their marriage never recovered. In contrast, Abigail was the wife of Nabal (1Sam 25). His name means fool. When Nabal insulted David, this was just another time that Nabal demonstrated his lack of character. David was going to avenge the insult, but Abigail ran out to meet him with gifts and honored him. After Nabal died, David married her. She showed respect for the man of God, and God blessed her.
Moses had an older sister named Miriam. It was she who arranged for her mother to nurse Moses (Ex 2:1-9). After Moses was grown and led Israel out of Egypt, she murmured against Moses, and God gave her leprosy (Num 12). When Moses prayed for her to be healed, God said, “If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days? let her be shut out from the camp seven days, and after that let her be received in again (Num 12:14).
When queen Vashti refused to obey her husband king Ahasuerus, he was removed from being queen and was replaced with Hadassah, also known as Esther (Est 1-2). She became instrumental in saving the Jewish people from the plot of wicked Haman, and this event is still celebrated to this day as the feast of Purim.
The prophets used the analogy of an unfaithful wife to show Israel her idolatrous sins. God even instructed the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute so that when she cheated on him it could be used as an example of how Israel was like an unfaithful wife to her husband the Lord God (Hos 1-2). Ezekiel also used this analogy (Eze 16). This is not to say that all the blame is on women. Adam sinned as well as Eve. Husbands have a great responsibility to be the leaders in their homes. When they don’t properly love their wives, even their prayers can be hindered (Mal 2:10-17, 1Pet 3:7). Fathers also have the leading role in raising their children. Mothers have an essential role as well, but as the leader of the family, the ultimate responsibility is on the father. Not only are the instructions in the law of Moses directed to the fathers, child training books were written to the fathers until the early 20th century.
God’s plan for the family did not change in the New Testament. God is the same God of both testaments. His nature and principles are the same. Just as women were honored in the Old Testament, they are honored in the New. “For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. here is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise (Gal 3:26-29).” However, this does not mean that distinctions between men and women and the roles of husband and wife are done away with. It means that our souls are all worth the same just as they were before, and that salvation has nothing to do with gender. This is made clear throughout the New Testament. As mentioned above, Jesus made it perfectly evident in Matthew 19:1-9 that the basis of gender and marriage roles is still based on the original blueprint of Genesis 1-2.
This is illustrated in 1Corinthians 7 with some specific clarifications. If a spouse is saved and the other is not, and the unbelieving spouse refuses to stay in the marriage even though the believer intends to honor their vows, that is not the fault of the believer. He also affirms the authority of a father over her daughter. However, we must consider that Paul states four times in this chapter that he is giving his opinion and not something that God had commanded (vs 6, 10, 25, and 40). Yet it still carries weight since he is still speaking as an apostle. Some people today say Paul’s writings on these subjects are outdated. They like to cherry pick what they want to follow and what they don’t. This is not true Christianity and discipleship. Who is in charge, God or us? Some people are still living under the proposition of the serpent in the garden, thinking they can figure out what is right and wrong on their own while calling themselves Christians. There is no scripture that says, “Thus saith the Lord, unless culture says otherwise”. Culture is a soft way of saying “the world”. There are two meanings of the phrase “the world” in the Bible. It can mean the souls of men – the people that are living in the world. John 3:16 is an example of this meaning. However, it can also mean the value system of the world which is based on the one the serpent sold to Eve. This value system (or lack thereof) is described in the most condemning language as opposing God (Jam 4:1-4, 1Jn 2:15-17). It is not just an alternative. It is anti-God. The breakdown of the family is not the work of God. It is the work of Satan. Satan is the deceiver and destroyer (Jn 8:44, Rev 9:11, Rev 12:9). He knows if he can destroy the family, he can destroy the society that it is built on. He knows the damage divorce causes everyone involved, especially the children (Mal 2:10-17). Culture changes. The word of God does not (Ps 119:89, Mt 24:35). Until the 1960’s, even the world believed basic Biblical family values. In some places like parts of Africa, India, and in Muslim countries they are closer in parts of these things than Western cultures. That does not mean they are right about everything. In Western cultures today, which is the bigger problem – overbearing husbands or weak, hen-pecked ones? Is the main problem absent mothers or absent fathers?
About 40 million people total died in World War I. About 115,000 of them were American military. The U.S. entered the war in 1917, and the war ended in 1919. Therefore, many young men were away from home for two years, and some of them never made it home. Many families all over the world were impacted by this. World War II saw far worse casualties. The U.S. entered the war in 1941, and it ended in 1945. Over 400,000 American soldiers died, and U.S. involvement was double the length. Again, this impacted the whole world. After the war, there was a boom in childbirth for obvious reasons. The people born then are still called baby boomers. The generation that fought in that war were called the greatest generation, and they did make great sacrifices to defeat the Axis powers. However, 20 years later, their children were the hippies of the 1960s. By the 1970s many values that were so predominant before began to erode. The feminist movement which is now described as coming in three waves had great momentum. However, the disengagement of men also came. The model of the man coming home from work too tired to engage his family and just wanting to read the paper and watch TV became the norm. By the 1970s this was in full swing. The absence, loss, and disengagement of men was where it all started.
As men abdicated their place in marriage, fatherhood, and society more and more, something came to take his place. There is no spiritual vacuum. When something is removed, something always replaces it. Fornication, adultery, and divorce were not new, but they exploded during this time. This led to an explosion in what were called latchkey (no real parenting) and illegitimate (not being raised by one or both parents) children. This led to a surge in homosexuality or at least its acceptance, and this in turn led to the redefining of marriage and gender roles. This led to a surge in gender dysphoria and it being accepted and approved. Now we have what can be called human dysphoria with people identifying as animals.
People become like what they worship (Ps 115:8, Ps 135:18). The Israelites were conquered by the nations whose idols they worshipped. The two most notable examples are Assyria (2Ki 17), and Babylon (2Ki 25). They also fell to the nations they attempted to compromise with (2Ki 12:18, 2Chr 24:23-25, 2Chr 28:25). Romans 1:21-32 shows how people that reject God become so degraded that they “changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things” and practice same sex relations.
Sadly, we don’t see a lot of men in the Bible being deeply engaged with their families. Abraham is an exception. God Himself said, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him (Gen 18:19)”. Men are to be the watchmen for their families spiritually and otherwise (Eze 3, Eze 33). Whether men like it or not, they have responsibility that they cannot escape. Doing it brings strength and identity to them and their families. When the watchman fails to do his job, the results are catastrophic (Is 56:10, Jer 6:17). Why are there more women than men in church, and why are so many worship songs written like boyfriend/girlfriend songs to appeal to women? Where are the great doctrinal anthems and calls to spiritual warfare which stir the hearts of men? Why are churches decorated to appeal to women?
Children are to obey their parents, but we cannot expect children to listen to parents who aren’t saying anything. When the voice of parents is replaced with digital devices and social media, why should we be surprised at the results? The only people the Bible directly assigns to train children are the parents, but just as in everything else, when the parents leave a void it is filled with something else. The state has largely replaced the parents. The children are still being raised and taught, but it is no Biblical doctrine they are learning. They have even made it law and policy to ignore the parents and treat the children as theirs. When parents fight for their children, they send in the enforcers to intimidate and suppress them.
Four chapters after 1Corinthians 7 is another clear and strong affirmation of God’s order in marriage and the family. 1Corinthians 11:3 says that the head of the woman is the man. Thayer’s Lexicon says the connotation of the word head in this verse is “Metaphorically, anything supreme, chief, prominent; of persons, master, lord: τίνος, of a husband in relation to his wife, 1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23”.
Three chapters later, there is another statement. “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church (1Cor 14:34-35).” This is a controversial passage, but it is plain and simple. Also, it directly connects what the law of Moses said on these things to the New Testament. Therefore, the argument that everything changed in the New Testament regarding God’s order for men and women and husbands and wives does not pass inspection. Are we going to suggest that God had bad values in the Old Testament and then repented of them and corrected Himself in the New Testament? Dare we judge God? Several entire denominations are splitting and falling apart over this false assertion.
Ephesians 5:21-6:4 also says the same thing. First of all, verse 21 is speaking to Christians in general, continuing the context of the previous verses. Then the subject narrows specifically to marriage for the rest of the chapter. The simple instructions to wives is to submit to their husbands. This is yet another statement about the authority of the husband and the wife submitting to it. It even gets so specific as to say “your own husbands”. This phrase is repeated five more times (in vs 24, Col 3:18, Titus 2:5, and 1Pet 3:1 & 5). When something is mentioned six times, we should take special note. Some women will submit to the authority of other men but struggle with the one that matters most. So, the assignment of wives is to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to Christ. The two models are Christ and the church and husbands and wives. Does Christ submit to the authority of the church? This is absurd teaching. It should certainly be taught that husbands and wives are to serve each other’s needs. That is the message of this and the other passages. The Bible clearly teaches that ministers have spiritual authority in the church to lead. The word minister means servant. The Biblical model is servant leadership. That is not the controversy. The issue in the church and society is authority, not service. Christ Himself gave us the ultimate example at the last supper when He said, “Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet (Jn 13:13-14)”. Ephesians 5:23 again uses the word head of Christ over the church and the man over his wife. This is the same Greek word used in 1Corinthians 11:3-10, and used of Christ in Ephesians 1:22, Ephesians 4:15, Colossians 1:18, Colossians 2:10, Colossians 2:19, and 1Peter 2:7. It is clearly talking about authority.
Ephesians 5 then instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Does loving someone mean submission to their authority? God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son (Jn 3:16). Does that mean that God submitted to the world? We see the exact same instructions given to husbands, wives, and parents in Ephesians 5 and 6 as in Colossians 3:18-21 with added phrases. Wives are to submit to their husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Strong’s says the word fit means “be proper:—convenient, be fit”. Thayer says, “as was fitting, namely, ever since ye were converted to Christ, Colossians 3:18”. Husbands are to love their wives and not be bitter against them. Children are to obey their parents because this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers are not to provoke their children so they don’t get discouraged. Just as one positive word from dad can be so affirming and powerful, negativity and harsh criticism can break a child’s spirit. Notice everything is again in the same order – wives submit, husbands love, children obey. This is more than some superfluous emotional game. This is the commandment of God. This is His formula for marital and familial success.
This brings us to 1Timothy 2:8-15. Paul addresses some basic weaknesses of each gender. Men need to control their anger and their tendency to overanalyze, trying to fix things on their own. Men are famously accused to refusing to ask directions. They don’t need the assembly instructions given by the designer and manufacturer. They can put it together with their own ability – until a few hours later there are extra parts lying on the floor and the item isn’t working. Then they reach for the instructions. God gave us an instruction manual for life, marriage, and the family. It is called the Bible. Women desire to be attractive to men and sometimes their efforts go too far. The greatest display of femininity is not gaudy but modest. Strong says shamefacedness means “αἰδώς aidṓs, ahee-doce'; perhaps from G1 (as a negative particle) and G1492 (through the idea of downcast eyes); bashfulness, i.e. (towards men), modesty or (towards God) awe:—reverence, shamefacedness”. He says that sobriety means “so-fros-oo'-nay; from G4998; soundness of mind, i.e. (literally) sanity or (figuratively) self-control:—soberness, sobriety”. Ladies are to emphasize the inner beauty and virtue over fleshly sexual attractiveness. This will attract the kind of man she should be looking for. Holiness is beautiful (1Chr 16:29, 2Chr 20:21, Ps 29:2, Ps 96:9). It worked for Esther who had many competitors for the position of king (Est 2:15-17). Ladies should be adorned more with good works than displays of vanity. Modesty does not mean ugliness. Women can dress appropriately and look good.
Verses 11-15 are very controversial, but they shouldn’t be. They are not controversial because they are so difficult to understand. It is because the culture of the world opposes what they say. Women should be in subjection to men and not usurp their authority. Thayer says the phrase “usurp authority” means: “one who acts on his own authority, autocratic, equivalent to αὐτοκράτωρ an absolute master; cf. Lobeck ad Phryn., p. 120 [also as above; cf. Winers Grammar, § 2, 1 c.]); to govern one, exercise dominion over one: τινός, 1 Timothy 2:12.” As Jesus did in Matthew 19, Paul gives Adam and Eve as the basis for this. Adam was made first and was not deceived. However, women can find fulfillment and involvement in raising children. Feminists say that marriage and motherhood are slavery and oppression, but many women are waking up to find that this is a lie. Breaking the alleged glass ceiling doesn’t bring the fulfillment they thought they would get, and they are returning home to find real joy and fulfillment. This does not mean that women cannot be involved in anything in the church or outside the home. It is a matter of priorities. Women can have involvement that does not involve usurping men. There are examples of this in the Bible such as Priscilla (Acts 18, Romans 16:3, 1Cor 16:19) and Philip’s four daughters (Acts 21:8-9). Still, the leaders being men is the norm in the Bible. Bible study should always involve context – the context of the passage, the book, and the Bible as a whole.
1Peter 3:1-7 is yet another concurrent passage. The first thing again is wives are to be in subjection to their own husbands. The word subjection here is translated as put under 6 times, be subject unto 6 times, be subject to 5 times, submit (one's) self unto 5 times, submit (one's) self to 3 times, be in subjection unto 2 times, and put in subjection under 1 time. Strong says it means “to subordinate; reflexively, to obey:—be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto”. Thayer says, “Ephesians 5:24; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5, 9; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:18; 1 Peter 3:1, 5; 1 Peter 5:5; 2 aorist passive with a middle force, to obey (R. V. subject oneself, Buttmann, 52 (46)), Romans 10:3; imperative obey, be subject: James 4:7; 1 Peter 2:13; 1 Peter 5:5; 2 future passive Hebrews 12:9.” Peter continues, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” The instruction again is for women not to focus on outward appearance, but the inward beauty of true femininity. Meekness is not weakness. Strong says it means “mild, i.e. (by implication) humble”. The Outline of Biblical Usage says, “mildness of disposition, gentleness of spirit, meekness. Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. In the OT, the meek are those wholly relying on God rather than their own strength to defend against injustice. Thus, meekness toward evil people means knowing God is permitting the injuries they inflict, that He is using them to purify His elect, and that He will deliver His elect in His time (Isa 41:17, Luk 18:1-8). Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God's goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Gal 5:23).” Moses was the meekest man in his day (Num 12:3). Meekness is not retaliating or seeking vengeance but rather letting God handle the situation as the only righteous Judge. Strong says quiet means “properly, keeping one's seat (sedentary), i.e. (by implication) still (undisturbed, undisturbing):—peaceable, quiet.” Peter also addressed the tendency of women to be more emotional than men, particularly with fear.
The apostle then speaks to men. Husbands should honor their wives because they are physically not as strong as men, and because we are joint heirs of Christ. The word translated heirs together is also used in Romans 8:17, Ephesians 3:6, and Hebrews 11:9. This again shows that men and women inherit the same eternal life. When men fail to do these things, their prayers can be hindered (Mal 2:10-17). Men should provide for their families. Those that don’t are worse than unbelievers (1Tim 5:8). Yet men should provide more than just money and material things. Men are also to provide spiritual leadership and teach their children the word of God (Deut 6:4-9).
Balance is key to every area including marriage and the family. Couples need to balance their marriage, their children, their involvement in the church, their work schedules, and more. This is no easy task, and it requires constant attention. Nobody is perfect, but that cannot be an excuse to avoid doing all we can to fulfill God’s design and plan as revealed in the Bible and to us specifically. God will help us do things His way when we rely on Him.
The following is a compilation of the definitions of the original Greek words used in the New Testament in the above passages:
1. (Wives) submit – hypotassō
Strong’s Concordance: “to subordinate; reflexively, to obey:—be under obedience
(obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to,
under), submit self unto”
Thayer’s Lexicon: “ὑποτάσσω: 1 aorist ὑπεταξα; passive, perfect ὑποτεταγμαι; 2 aorist
ὑπεταγην; 2 future ποταγήσομαι; present middle ὑποτάσσομαι; to arrange under, to
subordinate; to subject, put in subjection: τίνι τί or τινα, 1 Corinthians 15:27{c}; Hebrews
2:5; Philippians 3:21; passive, Romans 8:20 (see διά B. II. 1 b.): 1 Corinthians 15:27{b}
and following; 1 Peter 3:22; τινα or τί ὑπό τούς πόδας τίνος, 1 Corinthians 15:27{a};
Ephesians 1:22; ὑποκάτω τῶν ποδῶν τίνος, Hebrews 2:8; middle to subject oneself, to
obey; to submit to one's control; to yield to one's admonition or advice: absolutely,
Romans 13:5; 1 Corinthians 14:34 (cf. Buttmann, § 151, 30); τινα, Luke 2:51; Luke
10:17, 20; Romans 8:7; Romans 13:1; 1 Corinthians 14:32; 1 Corinthians 16:16;
Ephesians 5:21f (but in Ephesians 5:22, G T WH text omit; Tr marginal reading brackets
ὑποτάσσεσθε); Ephesians 5:24; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5, 9; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:18; 1
Peter 3:1, 5; 1 Peter 5:5; 2 aorist passive with a middle force, to obey (R. V. subject
oneself, Buttmann, 52 (46)), Romans 10:3; imperative obey, be subject: James 4:7; 1 Peter
2:13; 1 Peter 5:5; 2 future passive Hebrews 12:9. (The Sept.; (Aristotle), Polybius,
Plutarch, Arrian, Herodian)”
2. (Husband) head - kephalē
Strong: “from the primary κάπτω káptō (in the sense of seizing); the head (as the part most
readily taken hold of), literally or figuratively:—head.”
Thayer: “κεφαλή, κεφαλῆς, ἡ, the Sept. for רֹאשׁ; the head, both of men: Matthew 5:36;
Mark 6:24; Luke 7:38, 44 (Rec.),46; John 13:9; Acts 18:18; 1 Corinthians 11:4; Revelation
1:14; Revelation 4:4, and often; and of animals: Revelation 9:7, 17, 19, etc.; on the phrases
κλίνειν τήν κεφαλήν, ἐπαίρειν τήν κεφαλήν, see κλίνω, 1 and ἐπαίρω; on the saying in
Romans 12:20, see under ἄνθραξ. Since the loss of the head destroys the life, κεφαλή is
used in phrases relating to capital and extreme punishments: so in τό αἷμα ὑμῶν ἐπί τήν
κεφαλήν ὑμῶν (see αἷμα, 2 a., p. 15{b}), Acts 18:6, and similar phrases in classical Greek;
see Passow, under the word, p. 1717{a}; Pape under the word, 3; (Liddell and Scott, under
the word, I. 3 and 4). Metaphorically, anything supreme, chief, prominent; of persons,
master, lord: τίνος, of a husband in relation to his wife, 1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23;
of Christ, the lord of the husband, 1 Corinthians 11:3 (cf. Buttmann, 124f (109)); of the
church, Ephesians 4:15; Ephesians 5:23; Colossians 2:19 (cf. Buttmann, § 143, 4 c.); τοῦ
σώματος τῆς ἐκκλησίας, Colossians 1:18; πάσης ἀρχῆς καί ἐξουσίας, Colossians 2:10; so
Judges 11:11; 2 Samuel 22:44, and in Byzantine writings of things: κεφαλῆς γωνίας, the
corner-stone, see γωνία, a. ((From Homer down.))”
3. (Wives) subject – hypotassō (same word as submit)
4. (Husbands) love – agapaō
Strong: “perhaps from ἄγαν ágan (much) (or compare H5689); to love (in a social or moral
sense):—(be-)love(-ed)”
Thayer: “ἀγαπάω, -ῶ; [imperfect ἠγάπων]; future ἀγαπήσω; 1 aorist ἠγάπησα; perfect
active [1 person plural ἠγαπήκαμεν, 1 John 4:10 WH text], participle ἠγαπηκώς (2
Timothy 4:8); passive [present ἀγαπῶμαι]; perfect participle ἠγαπημένος; 1 future
ἀγαπηθήσομαι; (akin to ἄγαμαι [Fick, Part 4:12; see ἀγαθός, at the beginning]); to love, to
be full of good-will and exhibit the same: Luke 7:47; 1 John 4:7f; with the accusative of
the person, to have a preference for, wish well to, regard the welfare of: Matthew 5:43ff;
Matthew 19:19; Luke 7:5; John 11:5; Romans 13:8; 2 Corinthians 11:11; 2 Corinthians
12:15; Galatians 5:14; Ephesians 5:25, 28; 1 Peter 1:22, and elsewhere; used often in the
First Epistle of John of the love of Christians toward one another; of the benevolence
which God, in providing salvation for men, has exhibited by sending his Son to them and
giving him up to death, John 3:16; Romans 8:37; 2 Thessalonians 2:16; 1 John 4:11, 19;
[noteworthy is Jude 1:1 L T Tr WH τοῖς ἐν Θεῷ πατρί ἠγαπημένοις; see ἐν, I. 4, and cf.
Bp. Lightfoot on Colossians 3:12]; of the love which led Christ, in procuring human
salvation, to undergo sufferings and death, Galatians 2:20; Ephesians 5:2; of the love with
which God regards Christ, John 3:35; [John 3:20 L marginal reading]; John 10:17; 15:9;
Ephesians 1:6. When used of love to a master, God or Christ, the word involves the idea of
affectionate reverence, prompt obedience, grateful recognition of benefits received:
Matthew 6:24; Matthew 22:37; Romans 8:28; 1 Corinthians 2:9; 1 Corinthians 8:3; James
1:12; 1 Peter 1:8; 1 John 4:10, 20, and elsewhere. With an accusative of the thing ἀγαπάω
denotes to take pleasure in the thing, prize it above other things, be unwilling to abandon it
or do without it: δικαιοσύνην, Hebrews 1:9 (i. e. steadfastly to cleave to); τήν δόξαν, John
12:43; τήν πρωτοκαθεδρίαν, Luke 11:43; τό σκότος; and τό φῶς, John 3:19; τόν κόσμον. 1
John 2:15; τόν νῦν αἰῶνα, 2 Timothy 4:10, — both which last phrases signify to set the
heart on earthly advantages and joys; τήν ψυχήν αὐτῶν, Revelation 12:11; ζωήν, 1 Peter
3:10 (to derive pleasure from life, render it agreeable to himself); to welcome with desire,
long for: τήν ἐπιφάνειαν αὐτοῦ, 2 Timothy 4:8 (Wis. 1:1 Wis. 6:13; Sir. 4:12, etc.; so of a
person: ἠγαπήθη, Wis. 4:10, cf. Grimm at the passage). Concerning the unique proof of
love which Jesus gave the apostles by washing their feet, it is said ἠγάπησεν αὐτούς, John
13:1, cf. Lücke or Meyer at the passage (but others take ήγάπ. here more comprehensively,
see Weiss's Meyer, Godet, Westcott, Keil]. The combination ἀγάπην ἀγαπᾶν τινα occurs,
when a relative intervenes, in John 17:26; Ephesians 2:4 (2 Samuel 13:15 where τό μῖσος ὁ
ἐμίσησεν αὐτήν is contrasted; cf. Genesis 49:25 εὐλόγησε σε εὐλογίαν; Psalms of
Solomon 17:35 [in manuscript Pseudepig. Vet. Test. edition Fabric. i., p. 966; Libri Apocr.
etc., edition Fritzsche, p. 588] δόξαν ἥν ἐδόξασεν αὐτήν); cf. Winers Grammar, § 32, 2;
[Buttmann, 148f (129)]; Grimm on 1 Macc. 2:54. On the difference between ἀγαπάω and
φιλέω, see φιλέω. Cf. ἀγάπη, 1 at the end.”
5. (Wives) reverence – phobeō
Strong: “to frighten, i.e. (passively) to be alarmed; by analogy, to be in awe of, i.e.
revere:—be (+ sore) afraid, fear (exceedingly), reverence.”
Thayer: “φοβέω, φόβῳ: passive, present φοβοῦμαι; imperfect ἐφοβούμην; 1 aorist
ἐφοβήθην; future φοβηθήσομαι; (φόβος); from Homer down; to terrify, frighten, Wis.
17:9; to put to flight by terrifying (to scare away). Passive:
1. to be put to flight, to flee (Homer).
2. to fear, be afraid; the Sept. very often for יָרֵא; absolutely to be struck with fear, to be
seized with alarm: of those who fear harm or injury, Matthew 10:31; Matthew 14:30;
Matthew 25:25; Mark 5:33, 36; Mark 10:32; Mark 16:8; Luke 8:50; Luke 12:7, 32; John
12:15; John 19:8; Acts 16:38; Acts 22:29; (Romans 13:4); Hebrews 13:6; 1 John 4:18;
opposed to ὑψηλοφρονεῖν, Romans 11:20; of those startled by strange sights or
occurrences, Matthew 14:27; Matthew 17:7; Matthew 28:5, 10; Mark 6:50; Luke 1:13, 30;
Luke 2:10; Luke 9:34; (Luke 24:36 L in brackets); John 6:19, 20; Acts 18:9; Acts 27:24
(but in the last two passages perhaps the exhortation has a wider reference); Revelation
1:17; with σφόδρα added, Matthew 17:6; Matthew 27:54; of those struck with amazement,
(Matthew 9:8 L T Tr WH); Mark 5:15; Luke 5:10; Luke 8:25, 35. with an accusative of the
contents (cognate accusative) (see ἀγαπάω, under the end): φόβον μέγαν, literally, to 'fear
a great fear,' fear exceedingly, Mark 4:41; Luke 2:9 (1 Macc. 10:8); φόβον αὐτῶν, the
fear which they inspire (see φόβος, 1), 1 Peter 3:14 (Isaiah 8:12; τοῦ Τανταλου, to be filled
with the same fear as Tantalus, Schol. ad Euripides, Or. 6); with the synonymous πτόησιν
(which see), 1 Peter 3:6. τινα, to fear one, be afraid of one, lest he do harm, be displeased,
etc.: Matthew 10:26; Matthew 14:5; Matthew 21:26, 46; Mark 11:18, 32 (cf. Buttmann, §
151, 11); Mark 12:12; Luke 19:21; Luke 20:19; Luke 22:2; John 9:22; Acts 5:26 (cf.
Buttmann, § 139, 48; Winer's Grammar, 505 (471)); Acts 9:26; Romans 13:3; Galatians
2:12; τόν Θεόν, God, the judge and avenger, Matthew 10:28; Luke 12:5; Luke 23:40
(Exodus 1:17, 21; 1 Samuel 12:18); τί, to fear danger from something, Hebrews 11:23, 27;
to fear (dread to undergo) some suffering, Revelation 2:10. in imitation of the Hebrew
(מִן יָרֵא), followed by ἀπό τίνος (cf. Buttmann, § 147, 3): Matthew 10:28; Luke 12:4
(Jeremiah 1:8, 17; Jeremiah 10:2; Leviticus 26:2; 1 Macc. 2:62 1 Macc. 8:12; Judges 5:23),
as in the Greek writings, φοβοῦμαι μή, to fear lest, with the subjunctive aorist: Acts (Acts
23:10 L T Tr WH); Acts 27:17; μήπως, lest perchance, Acts 27:29 (here L μήπω (which see
2), others μήπου (which see)); 2 Corinthians 11:3; 2 Corinthians 12:20; φοβηθῶμεν
(equivalent to let us take anxious care) μήποτε τίς δοκῇ, lest anyone may seem (see δοκέω,
2 at the end), Hebrews 4:1; φοβοῦμαι ὑμᾶς, μήπως κεκοπίακα, Galatians 4:11 (see μήπως,
1 b.); φοβοῦμαι with an infinitive to fear (i. e. hesitate) to do something (for fear of harm),
Matthew 1:20; Matthew 2:22; Mark 9:32; Luke 9:45 (for numerous examples in the Greek
writings from Aeschylus down see Passow, under the word, 2, vol. ii., p. 2315{a}; (Liddell
and Scott, under the word, Buttmann, II. 4)). 3. to reverence, venerate, to treat with
deference or reverential obedience: τινα, Mark 6:20; Ephesians 5:33; τόν Θεόν, used of his
devout worshippers, Luke 1:50; Luke 18:2, 4; Acts 10:2, 22, 35; (Colossians 3:22 Rec.); 1
Peter 2:17; Revelation 14:7; Revelation 19:5; also τόν κύριον, Colossians 3:22 (G L T Tr
WH); Revelation 15:4; τό ὄνομα τοῦ Θεοῦ, Revelation 11:18 (Deuteronomy 4:10;
Deuteronomy 5:29; Deuteronomy 6:2, 13, 14; Deuteronomy 13:4; Deuteronomy
14:22(23); Proverbs 3:7; Psalm 33:10 (Ps. 34:10), and many other passages; very often in
Sir., cf. Wahl, Clavis Apocr. V. T., under the word, at the end); οἱ φοβούμενοι τόν Θεόν
specifically, of proselytes: Acts 13:16, 26 (see σέβω). Compare: ἐκφοβέω.
6. (Children) obey – hypakouō (also wives in 1Pet 3:6)
Strong: “hoop-ak-oo'-o; from G5259 and G191; to hear under (as a subordinate), i.e. to
listen attentively; by implication, to heed or conform to a command or authority:—
hearken, be obedient to, obey.”
Thayer: “ὑπακούω; imperfect ὑπήκουον; 1 aorist ὑπήκουσα; from Homer down; to listen,
hearken;1. properly, of one who on a knock at the door comes to listen who it is (the duty
of the porter), Acts 12:13 (where A. V. hearken, R. V. answer) (Xenophon, symp. 1, 11;
Plato, Crito, p. 43 a.; Phaedo, p. 59 e.; Demosthenes, Lucian, Plutarch, others).
2. to hearken to a command, i. e. to obey, be obedient unto, submit to, (so in Greek
writings from Herodotus down): absolutely, Philippians 2:12 (cf. Winer's Grammar, 594
(552)); ὑπήκουσεν ἐξελθεῖν (R. V. obeyed to go out i. e.) went out obediently, Hebrews
11:8; with a dative of the person (in Greek writings also with a genitive), Matthew 8:27;
Mark 1:27; Mark 4:41; Luke 8:25; Luke 17:6; Romans 6:16; Ephesians 6:1, 5; Colossians
3:20, 22; Hebrews 5:9; 1 Peter 3:6; with a dative of the thing, τῇ πίστει (see πίστις, 1 b. α.,
p. 513b near top), Acts 6:7; ὑπηκούσατε εἰς ὅν παρεδόθητε τύπον διδαχῆς, by attraction for τῷ τύπω τῆς διδαχῆς εἰς ὅν κτλ. (Winers Grammar, § 24, 2 b.; cf. τύπος, 3), Romans
6:7;1τῷ εὐαγγελίῳ, Romans 10:16; 2 Thessalonians 1:8; τῷ λόγῳ, 2 Thessalonians 3:14; τῇ
ἁμαρτία (Rec.), ταῖς ἐιθυμιαις (L T Tr WH), i. e. to allow oneself to be captivated by,
governed by, etc., Romans 6:12.
7. (Wives call husband) lord – kyrios
Strong: “from κῦρος kŷros (supremacy); supreme in authority, i.e. (as noun) controller; by
implication, Master (as a respectful title):—God, Lord, master, Sir.”
Thayer in summary: “having power or authority) (from Pindar down), he to whom a
person or thing belongs, about which he has the power of deciding; master, lord; used
universally, of the possessor and disposer of a thing, the owner… with the genitive of a
person, one who has control of the person, the master (A. V. lord); in the household:… in
the state, the sovereign, prince, chief… is a title of honor, expressive of respect and
reverence, with which servants salute their master, Matthew 13:27; Matthew 25:20, 22;
Luke 13:8; Luke 14:22, etc.; the disciples salute Jesus their teacher and master, Matthew
8:25; Matthew 16:22; Luke 9:54; Luke 10:17, 40; Luke 11:1; Luke 22:33, 38; John 11:12;
John 13:6, 9, 13; John 21:15-17, 20f, etc., cf. 20:18; Luke 24:34; his followers salute Jesus
as the Messiah, whose authority they acknowledge (by its repetition showing their
earnestness…”
8. (Women) they are commanded to be under obedience (hypotassō)
9. (Women) with all subjection - hypotagē
Strong: “subordination:—subjection.”
Thayer: “the act of subjecting (Dionysius Halicarnassus). 2. obedience, subjection: 2
Corinthians 9:13 (on which see ὁμολογία, b.); Galatians 2:5; 1 Timothy 2:11; 1 Timothy
3:4.”
10. (Women not to) usurp authority (over the man) – authenteō
Strong: “from a compound of G846 and an obsolete ἕντης héntēs (a worker); to act of
Oneself”
Thayer: “i. a. according to earlier usage, one who with his own hand kills either others or
himself b. in later Greek writings one who does a thing himself, the author (τῆς πράξεως,
Polybius 23, 14, 2, etc.); one who acts on his own authority, autocratic, equivalent to
αὐτοκράτωρ an absolute master; cf. Lobeck ad Phryn., p. 120 [also as above; cf. Winers
Grammar, § 2, 1 c.]); to govern one, exercise dominion over one: τινός, 1 Timothy 2:12.e.
(figuratively) dominate:—usurp authority over.”
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